If you are already at the point of wanting a divorce, it may seem too late. You probably feel too much has been said and too many feelings have been hurt, but that is not always the case. Just as hearts can be broken, they can also be mended. Answering the following questions can help you decide if a permanent split is truly the best option for you and your family.
1. Do you have realistic expectations?
Most of us learn early in childhood that marriage is our “happily ever after.” We are taught to see it as an intimate, two-person party that we’re lucky enough to get to enjoy for the rest of our lives. However, after the honeymoon is over and the wedding cake is all eaten, the realities of everyday married life can be shocking if you aren’t prepared for them. The truth is that your marriage will not always be fun. You won’t always like your partner, and you won’t always feel hopelessly in love. Marriages, even those that are healthy, have a natural ebb and flow. You will feel in sync and smitten at times, disconnected and annoyed at others. This is natural. It is not a sign that “we’re just not meant to be.” What is important is that you maintain respect and commitment during those trying times.
2. Has your partner crossed a major boundary?
There is typically a simple yes or no answer to this. We all have deal breakers, things we are absolutely unwilling to negotiate on. Has your partner crossed one? For example, has your partner had an extramarital affair or multiple affairs? Have they had a child with someone else? Are they addicted to drugs and/or alcohol? Are they abusive to you or your children? These are common deal breakers that many, understandably, are not willing to work through. However, if this is not the case, if no major boundary has been crossed, you may want to invest more time in rebuilding and reconnecting. A good couples’ therapist can help you achieve this.
3. Have you already given up?
This is quite common. Many people give up on their marriage long before they get to the point of asking for a divorce. They go through the motions of trying to improve the relationship but never put forth real effort, because they assume it is pointless. This tends to happen when one party is already interested in someone else. (This doesn’t always have to be a sexual affair. It can be emotional.) In these cases, the uninterested party stops trying because they already have one foot out the door, on the way to be with the other person they perceive to be a better match. This is not the proper way to end a marriage. You cannot start a new relationship while already in one. You owe it to your partner to be honest and to end any relationship that disrespects your marriage. Only then can you see clearly the true potential of your relationship.
If after considering these questions you still feel a divorce is the best course of action, your next step will be to discuss it with your partner, family and lawyer.
For skilled legal assistance with an uncontested divorce within the metro Jackson, MS area, call our offices now to set up a consultation.